Isaac's mama

So here we are in our nice new place, and now when we are just settling, we are moving again, and this time so close to Christmas. This is going to be tough. We are moving from a pretty nice townhouse to a just alright condo. I love the place we are in now. It is really nice. Nice neighborhood and everything. Well, the upside to the condo is that we are buying. Also, it is going to be for profit. So, this is truley an oppertunity, and that is what I need to remember. I just want to do what is best for Isaac. We are taking the risk, and I know that is what is the right thing to do because otherwise, we will never be able to get ahead.

My poor sweet little boy is sick, I hate it when he is sick, I feel so helpless. He wasn't able to eat all day, and all he wanted to do was sleep. He just kept vomitting. I feel so bad for him. I really hope tomorrow goes better for him.

So what mean girl am I?


Janice Ian


Which Mean Girl are you?
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My little monster is begining to calm down. Good thing too. With all that is going on right now, my health, finances, and moving, it is nice that he is calmimg down. He is begining to be easier to handle. He did tell me he doesn't want to move, and I talked with him about it. It will be hard for a little while. I am sure that things will work out though.

Every time I look in the mirror, I see the ill effects of the medication taking over my body. It is like some kind of horrible dream I once had, only I don't wake up. Just once I would like to escape the pain and be free from my body. I should be used to it, you would think I am, but it only gets worse with time. My little boy helps me continue to seek answers. Every time I look at him, I am encouraged. hehe, even when he is being a little boogerhead, and I am ready to throw him out the window by his ears! lol! Really though, my kid is a monster all of a sudden. He has always been the sweetets, and now, I don't know why he is being so, well, bossy and demanding. It really has never been hard to deal with him ever. He was the sweetest, most calm baby ever. Never really cried much. Even in the middle of the night to eat, he gave a light whimper, and that was all. Oh well. Maybe it has to do with the fact that we are moving and it scares him.

Just reminiscing the cartoons I watched as a kid.

He-Man, and She-Ra
Smurfs
CareBears
Gummie Bears
Snorks
Teenage Mutan Ninja Turtles
Thundercats
Fraggle Rock
The Get-A-Long Gang
Scooby Doo
Flinstones
Transformers
Alvin and The Chipmunks
Jetsons
Garfield
Space Ghost
Super Mario's Super Show
Duck Tales
Mighty Mouse
Strawberrie Shortcake
David the Gnome
The Little Bits
Heathcliff
Popeye
Rainbow Brite
Ghostbusters
Fat Albert

I know I am missing some too, but hey, it was fun, and a cool memory!

Been a while since I posted, just had a lot to do. Actually, I still have a lot to do, we r moving and need to get a storage for the things we can't take and refuse to part with. My son is excited cuz he is gonna be living with his nina. We r moving in to a room at Kelly's grandpa's house for a few months before we find a place. This way we r paying much less and can save up some $$. It is frustrating, but at least Kelly is going to be making more $$. As long as we r together, and I can feed my son, I'm happy. Well I am going to be closer to the park for Isaac, and he has a friend that lives near ther, and cousins, so he will at least have playmates.

Today is our family time. So we are going to the movies to see Shark Tale. Isaac has really been wanting to see it, so Kelly, Isaac, and I are going at 4:50 p.m. Isaac is so excited. We usually do family time on the weekends, but a little change is nice. Then on Friday it is mommy and daddy alone time :) We aren't sure what to do though, any ideas?

So, hmmm, what is new? Well, I went through some really major stuff, and am now a lot better, but I still have some issues to work on as far as my steps to recovery are concerned. Recovery from emotional distress. I have begun having seizures again, and that scares me. Otherwise, I am doing some great work on a story I have been writing. I also need to let go and paint, only problem is I devote so much time to it, time I cannot afford to lose. I get so wrapped up in painting, I can't stop. I am planning a peice on motherhood, I have not done that yet. Then maybe a portrait of my son. I would also like to paint on shoes. I can't wait to own a house so I can paint the walls and let my imagination run wild with ideas, and build onto walls, and stuff. For now I will stick with furnature. Screw house work for the next few days! I wanna paint!

I know it has been a little while, just been busy and going through some stuff. I have been coming to terms with some things latley. I am really emotional right now too. I was thinking a lot about my friend's son, who died about a year ago. My son still misses him, he was his best friend. My friend isn't doing too well either. She pretends sometimes, but she really isn't. She has a baby girl as well, her daughter was six weeks old when the little boy died, so she won't remember him. It just makes me reliaze that death has no concern for age, and it scares me. I could never be as strong as my friend has been. I am listening to her song for her son, My Immortal, Evanescene. It is perfect for the whole situation (her emotions for her son's death) and it is making me cry.

my immortal

my immortal
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
because your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase

when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me

i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
and though you're still with me
i've been alone all along

I hate hospitols, spent too much of my life there. Childhood kept me back and forth to doctors and hospitols. So yesterday I was in the hospitol, and without going into detail, it really sucked! I hate it! It is SO annoying! You end up feeling worse. For once, I would like to have NO pain for just a few days. I have this huge ugly scar from a couple of childhood surgeries on my stomach, that left me with no belly button, and I really want to get it fixed. I have never been able to wear short tops, or bikini's. I think I will start saving. I feel like crap. I am in so much pain, and super tired, but, Kelly hasn't slept for 2 days (been working, brought it home with him) So I need to care for Isaac. I am going to put him down for a nap at 1. I still plan to go to my mom's tonight though, it is my little brother's b-day.

So, yesterday I came home and just relaxed. It was nice. I just did NOTHING! I haven't done that in so long. Later, Kelly and I had some fun together ;) and you know what I realized? Life can be really good. I am happy, truley happy. I guess it mostley comes from how strongly I hold onto my beliefs. I don't care who knows it either. Like when I am in a group of women, and today, it is VERY unpopular to be prolife. Who cares? That is how I feel. It isn't like I go around telling people crap for their choice. I just personally don't agree with it, and wouldn't do it, NO MATTER WHAT! It is my life, and my beliefs. Okay so the same with the death penalty, I don't agree, and you know what? I never will. Again who cares. I don't put others down for their beliefs (so long as it doesn't hurt or put down others) The only bliefs I will speak out against is idiotic racists, that does hurt people, and racists are nothing more then uneducated, idiotic, stuck up, jerks who think they are somehow better just because of their skin. How stupid is that? I mean come on, how could someone be that dumb? Race does not make a person intelligent just because they were born with a particular skin tone. It really burns me up. Okay enough. So I am about to jump in the shower, and then we are off. It is Kelly's grandma's birthday and we are going to Watsonville to have dinner at her house. Well, it should be interesting, Kelly isn't really used to that side of his family (his mom's) he is closer to his dad's side of the family. I hope his dad doesn't show up over here, I just don't.

Okay, so I have been questioned about myself so here is a little about me:

My first name is Felisha, my last name is unimportaint. My birthday is in November. My other half and I share the same birthday, he is 1 year younger. My 3 year old son's birthday is in April. My real father came into my life when I was 12. Not his fault that he missed out on my life because my mother did not tell him she was pregnant. I forgave her a long time ago for that, so that no longer has an effect on me. I was a difficult teen, I now pity my parents for what they had to go through with me. I got into a lot of trouble. You name it! Anyway, somehow I surrvived and matured, now I am happy that I my parents loved me enough to be "mean". They did what they could, and what they thought was best. I really respect them for that. Sure they made mistakes, but all parents do, now being a parent I know that. I am a very opinionated person. I also have strong political views. I do not associate myself with any particular political party. I have opinions and I make my political choice (as far as voting) according to the issues and the person, on case by case situation. I am agaist the death penalty, and abortion. I am all for taking money from the prison system and putting it into the schools. I can't agree with the educational budget cut. I have strong views on education as well. I believe children should be taught through multiple forms of expressive creativity as well as traditional. I think children should be taught and allowed to express themself through healthy means such as different forms of art (painting, sculpting, music, literature, poetry ect.) I am a SAHM and PROUD of it. I don't care who thinks what of that either. I have the utmost respect for both working moms and SAHMs I have done both, but I choose to be a stay at home, that is what I feel is best for OUR family. So enough rambling, that is who I am. That is who I choose to be.

Well, I have been a little busy latley, and so I will finally update this. So things are good, no complaints. Our car is finally legally ours, after having to seize title and hope it didn't come out that we had bought a stolen car. Lucky for us it wasn't. I had a clown job in Hollister that brought me some good money, so we were able to buy the things we needed and have a little extra for maybe going out. Kelly is going to be starting his new semester, and his financial aid has increased. My son had a doctor appt. and he is nice and healthy. He got so tall! Well, what more can I ask for? My family has good health, we have what we need, and we have a lot of love for eachother. After almost 7 years together, Kelly and I are still in love like it was just the first few years. He is such a great person. Most people don't really know him, because he is so quiet, but he is really a wonderful person.

I am home. I went out of town twice, and now I am in the comfort of my own home again. I spent like 4 days at Kelly's parents house in Santa Rosa while he was in LA at a video game tournament. Interesting, I was going to spend a week, but she brought me home early, Isaac was homesick. Then we went up there to give her back her van, that we were borrowing, and she drove us home. So we are without a vehicle for now, but our car should be ready soon. It isn't so bad, except it is hard to travel on foot and bus with my 3 year old. He gets tired easy. My poor son is sick too, so it really sucks. I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I don't know what I am going to do with my son. Well, I know things will be looking up soon.

Went to the Bordwalk yesterday. Isaac had a great time. He went on a kiddie coaster, he looked scared, but he LOVED it! He wanted to do it again! We played laser tag, and stayed almost the whole day. He doesn't want to take off the bracelet. Kelly and I had a good time with Isaac, and loved watching him enjoy himself. It always seems to bring Kelly and I closer as we watch Isaac grow. Kelly is a great father, and I can not express how close I feel to him as I see the great father he has been with our son.

I remember reading about this, it is so sad. Why? Babies need specific nutritional priorities.

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0%2C2933%2C51494%2C00.html

My little boy will be Bob the Builder in the Kiddie Kaper Parade tomarrow and he is really excited about it. I told him yesterday that he was going on Wednessday, so I put him down for a nap, and he slept long. So I go wake him up and he is a little confused he says "what, what . . . is it wednessday?" He just couldn't wait. Well I really hope he has fun.

Should be fun tomarrow, Isaac loves fireworks, and I will have a great time seeing him delight in it. I went shopping for my adopted daughter (hehe) or I mean My friend's daughter, and bought her the cutest outfit. It was so precious. We went to the mall and had lunch, I had a Korean bowl and it was yummy.
BTW- to everyone- I am not a lesbeian Okay. Kelly is a guy, not a girl, there seems to have been some confusion about that, I belong to some MSN groups and other communities where people thought that Kelly was a girl.

I had fun today, even though I really didn't do much. I was with my mom, and now, at this point in our lives we get along pretty good. Having a child of my own really helped bring me closer to my mom because now I understand how she must have felt, and how she only wanted what was best for me. So we were driving along down the highway and we must have run over something, but anyhow, we got a blow out. That sucked, luckily she has AAA and they came quickly. Well, I didn't get to see my dad, he was at work, but then again, I don't see him that often anymore, he works a lot, so when I go over, he isn't there. He took my 3 youngest brothers,(James, Daniel, and Joshua) to see Spiderman 2, I can't wait to see it myself. I loved the first one, they really followed the comic very closely, not many hero type movies do that. I hate when they screw up the story line. Bugs me to no end. Well, as long as they continue to follow the story as it is supposed to be, I will love it. Maybe I can find a babysitter and go tomorrow, tomorrow is supposed to be Kelly and my "date" day. Looking forward to it too!